Do you want all that I have for you?

I had just preached/spoken/shared (whatever you want to call it) my first ‘message’ at a ladies’ retreat day at Werribee Baptist Church. I was in my late twenties and I felt completely aware of the fact that I hadn’t ‘lived’ enough life to have anything worthy of sharing, or impacting others with. Yet, I faithfully prepared, and in my preparation and through my self-doubts, God taught me that having a dramatic ‘story’ was not the essential element, but rather a willing heart. It is His story, after all, that I am called to preach.

The day after the women’s retreat, I sat quietly with God, thanking Him for His amazing outpouring of power and grace upon us the previous day. I was so glad it had gone well, and so relieved it was over. In my journal, I wrote something like this, “Lord, thank you so much that you used me and you spoke through me. And now, please, may I never have to do something this scary every again.”

He answered me, quietly, with a question:

• Do you want all that I have for you?

I cried.

“Yes! Of course I do!” my heart replied. And in that moment, I accepted, albeit reluctantly, that part of His calling on my life was to use me to share His story; His message with others, in a public-speaking context. It wasn’t my idea or dream or even desire (the public speaking part), but I knew that as I said yes to Him in this, He would give me all that I needed in order to do it.

At least, I thought, I’d have a bit of respite, and time to recover from the emotional and mental exhaustion of this first event. Maybe, if I was lucky, it would be a few months, or years before I was ever asked to do something like that again. It was three hours. The next act of obedience was a short, seven minute Good Friday reflection on one of the statements of Jesus from the cross. After that, I did get some reprieve 😉

My husband and I, and our three children moved from Australia to the UAE, then to the Czech Republic and now we live in Vietnam. In our travels and adventures I am continuing to learn what it means to step into ‘all God has for me.’ He continues to invite me into experiencing more of Him – of knowing Him more- and He continues to blow my mind with what that reveals, and what it requires of me. Eighteen months ago, for the first time in my life-long love affair with Jesus, I sat on my bedroom floor, crying, “I don’t think I want it, Jesus. If this is what your ‘all that I have for you’ looks like, I don’t think I want it.” The invitation wasn’t to preach, but to continue in the restoration and forgiveness process God had begun in my marriage. But I felt so defeated and hopeless in that moment. It was just. too. hard.

But I do; I do want all that He has for me, most of the time. Because He is faithful. And His plans for me are ALWAYS good. This blog is a collection of reflections of the overwhelming, never ending, reckless love of God over my life. It is my heart’s desire that readers will be invited into a deeper ‘knowing’ of Jesus too. Do you want all that He has for you?