It was worth it for this

We all go through hard times, and most of us in retrospect are able to say “it was worth it” because we recognise that a certain refining has taken place and we are now stronger or wiser because of the pressure we have endured or the challenge we have overcome.

Childbirth is an obvious example, where the most excruciating pain leads to indescribable joy. Or completing a long-distance race and knowing the satisfaction of finishing will more than make up for the inconvenience of muscle cramp, fatigue and dehydration. Mothers and athletes will agree, ‘it was worth it.’ That’s why babies have siblings and athletes have trophy cabinets.

There have been times in my life, however, when I have questioned – and am still not sure – whether any amount of ‘good’ at the end of the pain could make the suffering worthwhile.  New shoots appear after a bushfire but does that make the devastation worth it?

Telling someone who is suffering greatly “it will all be worth it” is dangerous ground. Yes, God can bring beauty from ashes and there can certainly be purpose to the pain. But I wouldn’t choose to do it again in the same way I would repeat childbirth or a long-distance race, and I wouldn’t wish my particular journey of suffering upon anyone else.

Thankfully, the hard things I am facing right now are not like that. Rather, they are the result of moving countries, changing jobs, parenting teens and navigating the new and unknown. And in these stormy times, when I feel like I am drowning in decision-making and being tossed about by waves of doubt and discouragement, I am buoyed by this very phrase: “it was worth it for this.” Moving back to Australia and particularly stepping into 2024 has been hard – is hard. Stressful. Busy. Stuee and I miss our old jobs and the school community we were a part of. But Zara has a loyal and life-giving group of school friends here – it was worth it for this. Felicity is thriving at church, singing in the Youth band and being encouraged to preach her first mini-sermon – it was worth it for this. Liam is about to start University – it better be worth it for this, ‘cause this was the main reason we came! For Stuee, it has already been worth it to establish our family home and finally contribute to superannuation! For me, it has been worth it to reconnect with friends, family and nature (I am obsessed with Australia’s trees, birds, beach and big, beautiful sky) and to finish my Graduate Diploma of Divinity.

I trust that we will gather a lot more ‘it-was-worth-it-for-this’ moments this year and I hope that Stuee and I can continue to be honest with our struggles without discouraging those around us. It’s not all good, but there is definitely good coming out of it for every member of our family. In 2024, this will be my hashtag #itwasworthitforthis